I am selfish…And that’s ok.
We’re taught that it’s not ok to be selfish, that we must put others first and making ourselves happy is akin with greed and ego. Of course we should teach our children how to share, of course we should be generous in as many ways as we can, of course we should not give in to greed and ego, but when it comes to our soul, we absolutely must be selfish.
I am selfish…and that is ok. In fact, it’s better than ok, it’s absolutely the right thing to do and is what every human being should be first and foremost if they want to find true happiness.
This is your life, your journey, your path. No one else can live it for you and you cannot live anyone else’s. We each have our own lessons to learn and we ARE being shown the way, if we pay attention to the signs.
So, what do I mean by ‘selfish’? Well, I’ve lived the vast majority of my life trying to be accepted and loved by others. I’ve tried to please everyone and make others happy. I’ve put my own needs aside in order to provide a certain lifestyle or environment for those I love. I’m, of course, not referring to the things we sacrifice as mothers and fathers, of course we put our own needs aside for the purpose of raising children, but there comes a point when the sacrifices we make go much deeper than that. They start to infringe on our soul and our actual path. We dull our own sparkle. We put ourselves in a nice restrictive box because at one point in time this was what was required of us and it made other people happy…but time does not stand still. I, no more than you, could not fight it forever, not without making myself bitter and unhappy.
What’s strange to me now, is that I see it everywhere I look; that bitter unhappiness, masquerading as ‘life’. It’s ignored, brushed under that carpet, passed off as ‘life is cruel’, or ‘life’s a bitch’, but the truth is, we create our own reality. Yes, The Universe can seem cruel, it can give us painful lessons, but it is our reaction to those lessons that produces the eventual outcome.
Burying our heads in the sand in the name of ‘getting on with it’, gives us nothing. Accepting negativity and unhappiness brings us nothing but more negativity and unhappiness. But within that, putting our own needs aside for the happiness of others, for fear of rocking the boat while slapping a smile on it will only ever lead to sadness, anger, frustration and unhappiness. It’s a sorry way to spend your life and it happens all the time.
Everything has a ripple effect, and as soon as I realised that I no longer fitted into the neat and tidy box I had created for myself, I started to feel that bitterness, which I could see impacting on the people around me. It’s a strange realisation, to admit that you are unhappy. I mean, deep down, within your soul, unhappy. It starts to fester, to grow like an ever present virus and it feels like poison.
The reality of that was enormous. It had the potential to change the lives of the people I loved the most in an excruciating way. I tried to revert back to the state of happiness that had created the box in the first place. But that state of happiness was actually a point in time that was long in the past, and no matter how hard I fought to return to it, I couldn’t quite get it back. It’s like digging a tunnel in a straight line and expecting to return to where you started.
I made a conscious decision.
I was no longer going to feel like that.
It was a selfish decision. And it was the right one.
“I am not required to set myself on fire to keep other people warm.”
This is my one life, my one journey, my one soul; and I am going to be happy.
As soon as it was decided in my mind, my soul felt a little more at ease. The bitterness started to dissipate. It was a relief.
It was a challenge, the physical act and the ultimate process, but I recognised it was a lesson that I was meant to go through.
I kept my eyes open and my mind as still as possible. I listened to my soul, to The Universe, I followed my instinct; wonderful things started to happened when they needed to happen. For the first time in a long time I felt like The Universe was on my side…it’d always been on my side, I’d just been ignoring all the signs.
Incredibly, there appeared, very quickly, a series of synchronicities that were happy coincidences initially, until they became almost laughably obvious signals that I was finally exactly where The Universe wanted me to be; and the more I became aware of them, the more I received; and the more I received, the more I acknowledged them with a grateful heart.
The result? Happiness. Peace within my soul. An abundance of gratitude for The Universe and the blessings that I have. Courage to confront myself and ask whether or not something is really meant for me, and the contentment that comes from knowing I am on the right path.
I am selfish…And I’m a better person for it.